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Dank Slams

DANK SLAMS: When A Slam Hits Like A Punch From A Forklift, It Can Only Be SLAMOPHILIAC!!!!

Posted by on August 25, 2017 at 1:32 pm

For those of you who frequent our stanky-assed little column, you might recall the name Darryn Palmer. This guy – man – I mean, just take a look… dude is the real-friggin-deal… he don't give a shit for nuthin but the SLAMS!

So, what happens to a man when his life is just one giant fucking SLAM? What happens when you eat, shit, sleep, and cheetofisturbate SLAM? Well, you literally become SLAM. You become the epitome of all that disgusting, brutal shit that is SLAM. Now, this isn't to say that Darryn – his person – is a disgusting, brutal piece of shit. I mean, we've never met the guy – and, if the above-displayed posture and mountain man sense of fashion is any indication – Darryn is just a big old cuddly, fuzzy SLAM bear – who MIGHT chop you into tiny, bite-sized bits and add your dead, sorry ass to his granpappy's secret chili recipe (but, of course, we actually can't confirm this).

Whatever. None of this matters. What does matter is the music… and, man oh man, do we have something in store for you! Darryn, if you did not already know, is the sole member of slam legends SLAMOPHILIAC.

As reported right here late last year, Darryn started Slamo back in 2013 as a joke band. Realizing that there was actually some potential, Slamophiliac took a turn for the serious after the label Brutal Gear agreed to release the debut album Aborted Into Absolute In-Existence. Shortly after, CDN Records picked up Slamophiliac and have released a multitude of slamtastic albums since, including a brand-spankin-new effort, entitled Slam Rehab (available for purchase HERE via CDN Records).

This stuff is deep – think Alien meets Dostoyevsky meets Texas Chain Saw Massacre meets Extermination Dismemberment meets Nietzsche. Yep. This is a thing. One must immerse themselves to believe. Even then, it will require a PHD level thesis in slam to truly comprehend.

On that note, let's get studying… here is the first single, entitled "Intermediate Manual Uncoiling". Enjoy, you sik fuks!

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